Shedding My Shell

June 2014

After five long months of preparation and downsizing, my home of 18 years is now on the market. That means eventually I will be packing up my stuff and moving. Shedding my "shell" of nearly two decades. That's a tough transition for anyone. But doing it on my own has been a formidable task.

What's even more challenging is I don't know where I'm going to land. My plan all along - and the reward at the end of this journey - has always been to move to San Diego to be near my daughter who's lived there for more than 7 years. But nothing is certain in this world and I have to prepare for the "what ifs".

Getting Here

It's been a very grueling path to get here. In fact these past five months have been rather tormenting. But on the upside, it's also been very rewarding. I've found out so much about myself. I guess that happens when you spend a lot of time alone and find you're the only one you have to get the job done. I've faced my fears and tackled tasks I thought I could never do on my own.  But after five months of 15 hour days full of physically and emotionally-draining work, I am here. 

Ironically the scariest part of putting my house on the market was thinking the moment that "for sale" sign went up outside someone would make an offer on my home and within four short weeks, I'd be out...

But it hasn't happened that way. All those days of fearing I'd be pushed out overnight night were for naught. My home's been on the market for a little over two weeks ~ and no offers. No bites. I guess my home came in "second" for one potential buyer. But her offer went to another home. So now I face a different fear: What if I don't sell my house? Before I go down that rabbit hole, I'm planning another course of action.

The Dilemma

While I've watched former co-workers move and land jobs, I've been here getting my home ready to sell and searching for a job in my spare time. Now that part is done and my job search has

launched onto high gear. Since I don't know when my home will sell I'm left with having to search for jobs in two cities, nearly a thousand miles apart. What if I get a job in San Diego and my home doesn't sell. What if I get a job here and my home does sell. Those are the kind of tormenting thoughts that keep me awake in the middle of the night. In reality, it's not that tough. And it will be figured out when and *if* that situation arises.

Hurry Up and Wait

So for now, I wait. Keeping my home spotless and ready at a moment's notice to vacate my home for an hour at a time ~ on an hour's notice. Crate up my cats, or take them with me, as potential buyers plod through my home scrutinizing every inch of it. 

And then there are all of the people who drive by. Stop for a moment and drive off. Others get out and check out the flyer, look around and then drive off. Some just slow down and scrutinize my property with barely a second glance. All of them leaving me wondering - are they the one?

So yes. For now, I wait and continue to wonder what future lies ahead for me and where this journey will lead me.

Despite all the uncertainty I am confident all my work and sacrifice over the past few months will lead to a better life, a happier more peaceful existence than the one I've lead over the past few years.