Shedding My Shell

June 2014

After five long months of preparation and downsizing, my home of 18 years is now on the market. That means eventually I will be packing up my stuff and moving. Shedding my "shell" of nearly two decades. That's a tough transition for anyone. But doing it on my own has been a formidable task.

What's even more challenging is I don't know where I'm going to land. My plan all along - and the reward at the end of this journey - has always been to move to San Diego to be near my daughter who's lived there for more than 7 years. But nothing is certain in this world and I have to prepare for the "what ifs".

Getting Here

It's been a very grueling path to get here. In fact these past five months have been rather tormenting. But on the upside, it's also been very rewarding. I've found out so much about myself. I guess that happens when you spend a lot of time alone and find you're the only one you have to get the job done. I've faced my fears and tackled tasks I thought I could never do on my own.  But after five months of 15 hour days full of physically and emotionally-draining work, I am here. 

Ironically the scariest part of putting my house on the market was thinking the moment that "for sale" sign went up outside someone would make an offer on my home and within four short weeks, I'd be out...

But it hasn't happened that way. All those days of fearing I'd be pushed out overnight night were for naught. My home's been on the market for a little over two weeks ~ and no offers. No bites. I guess my home came in "second" for one potential buyer. But her offer went to another home. So now I face a different fear: What if I don't sell my house? Before I go down that rabbit hole, I'm planning another course of action.

The Dilemma

While I've watched former co-workers move and land jobs, I've been here getting my home ready to sell and searching for a job in my spare time. Now that part is done and my job search has

launched onto high gear. Since I don't know when my home will sell I'm left with having to search for jobs in two cities, nearly a thousand miles apart. What if I get a job in San Diego and my home doesn't sell. What if I get a job here and my home does sell. Those are the kind of tormenting thoughts that keep me awake in the middle of the night. In reality, it's not that tough. And it will be figured out when and *if* that situation arises.

Hurry Up and Wait

So for now, I wait. Keeping my home spotless and ready at a moment's notice to vacate my home for an hour at a time ~ on an hour's notice. Crate up my cats, or take them with me, as potential buyers plod through my home scrutinizing every inch of it. 

And then there are all of the people who drive by. Stop for a moment and drive off. Others get out and check out the flyer, look around and then drive off. Some just slow down and scrutinize my property with barely a second glance. All of them leaving me wondering - are they the one?

So yes. For now, I wait and continue to wonder what future lies ahead for me and where this journey will lead me.

Despite all the uncertainty I am confident all my work and sacrifice over the past few months will lead to a better life, a happier more peaceful existence than the one I've lead over the past few years. 

Reinventing Myself

So this is where it all begins. That new chapter in life.
That IS what they call it.
What if I wasn’t finished with the last chapter.
Maybe I simply don’t like the book.
I guess none of that matters.
After 30 years working as a television news producer and writer -- my position was cut and I am looking for work.

It wasn’t my choice.
I was “part of a staff reduction” at the ABC affiliate in Portland, Oregon. While I hadn’t been happy with my job for years ~ it’s never easy to be “shown the door.”

Career changes are tough enough. When they’re not your choice they leave you feeling inadequate and vulnerable. Add into that equation the fact you’re not 30 anymore. Heck you’re not even 40 or 50 anymore. As the woman who handed me my walking papers once said to me, “I’m no Spring Chicken either.” True, but she wasn't the one booted out the door.

For more than 20 years I’ve written the stories those high-paid anchors have read on the air. They get the glory and the money. I get the blame when the words weren’t put on paper in the right order. I am a writer. When I wasn’t writing about car crashes, child rapists, mall and school shootings, serial killers, a dying economy and a Congress who won’t fix it - I’d sit for hours at my computer and write. Sometimes just to jot down random thoughts. Other times to sort out the thoughts rambling around in my brain. I’d just get in a writing zone and off I’d go.

Now I’m depending on a different style of writing to carry the torch for me again.
I want to become a copywriter.

I want to create content for landing pages, squeeze pages, entire sites ... even blogs. When it comes to websites and traffic generation, content is King. As a mentor quickly informed me: “If you don't have well-written, properly formatted content that adheres to marketing, SEO and online readership preferences, you'll deliver content that may sound pretty and look grammatically accurate but which won’t deliver results.”

That’s when she referred me to James Chartrand and her world-class copywriting website, “Men with Pens.”  I read everything I could on that website.  Devoured it.

Then I signed up to get her newsletters in my inbox. I consumed them like chocolate morsels feeding the copywriting soul starving for information. I couldn’t get enough.

That’s when I started emailing James for clues how to feed my appetite to launch this new ~ and what seemed like ~ a very viable and exciting career for me.  She responded very quickly. Not once. Not twice.  But several times. We wrote back and forth. Each time her answers assured me *she* is quickly becoming my new mentor.  This is where I need to be.

She told me about her upcoming “Damn Fine Words” course. I was immediately curious about it and wondered if it would give me what I need to launch my career as a copywriter.  She emailed me a synopsis of the course. I eagerly perused every page. One look at the subjects and exercises and I was convinced it may be the inclusive course that will give me the better writer skills and effective content creation techniques I need to launch my copywriting website, blog and business.

After my recent layoff, I think this course will boost my confidence and get that pen flowing on the paper again.

I am so excited for the “Damn Fine Words” course to start.
So I may begin that new chapter in my life called, "Reinventing myself".