Alberto...

23 September 2015

Alberto 

It was a normal March day, sunny, warm with a slight breeze. I was cleaning my new apartment. Feeling productive and in an unusually good mood. About then someone knocked on my door. It was the apartment’s head maintenance guy, Alberto. He had become a friend of mine over the past six months. He went out of his way to greet me, always friendly and always there when I needed something done in my apartment. He was as sweet as they come. 

But then one day that all changed.

He came to my apartment to fix something. And we chatted. He was overly friendly and we both talked about being lonely. He was astonished that I didn’t have anyone in my life saying, “Look at you!”  Besides the ego boost at that moment, it was also obvious he was flirting. Something that I haven’t experienced since moving to San Diego. We chatted more. I said I hadn’t seen him around for awhile and he revealed that he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and had been off work for about a month. 

The more we chatted the more I grew to like this guy. We hugged and he said he wanted to share a bottle of wine sometime. That sounded divine to me. He is a handsome, rugged man, who moved here from Mexico 38 years ago. So we decided to make plans to do that.

The next couple of months I was working two jobs and always gone. I rarely saw him and when I did I only had time for a quick wave!  But one day we stopped and chatted and I said “Let’s get together sometime!” A rather brave comment from me. And he said, “When?? You’re always gone!” So we made a date. When he came to my apartment that night he said he’d be off work in about an hour and we could get together. I suggested maybe getting a bite to eat and asked if we could go to an authentic Mexican restaurant. He said, “okay” and said he’d come back a bit later.

When he did come back he said something came up and it’d be 9 or so before he got off work. I said, “ok, another time!” He agreed. I gave him my phone number since I was rarely around and said, “Call me!”  We hugged and he left.

That was probably April. Since that time he’s basically ignored me. No waves, no acknowledgment that I even existed. I figured I came on too strong by suggesting dinner instead of a glass of wine.  But for me, I wanted to be somewhere public, not in my apartment complex. Not on a first “date”. I also then assumed that this man was married. So I let it go. Goodbye, Alberto. Thanks for the ego boost, but you lied to me. Adios Amigo!

But the whole situation bothered me. HE came onto ME! To me he was just a friend, nothing more. When he flirted with me in my apartment I was flattered. He’s a good looking man and quite friendly. So what the hell did I do wrong. For months I considered walking up to him and saying, “Listen guy YOU came onto ME! Not the other way around. I was just suggesting changing the venue! What’s up with that???” 

I never did. I simply lacked the courage to do it.

But today, six months later, an opportunity presented itself. Or rather I just took advantage of the opportunity ~ there had been several others. I was walking down the apartment complex and saw him alone near his outdoor office. I walked towards him. He glanced at me and looked away. I motioned for him to come to me, signaling I wanted to talk to him. But he stood rigid. I kept walking. When I got close I whispered, “Can we talk?” He moved closer and smiled. I’m not sure exactly what I said, but I told him I’ve been wanting to talk to him for a long, long time. That he was my friend and I was sad that changed. I said I apologize if he felt I came on too strong (knowing that I didn’t, but putting some of this on me). That I merely wanted to be friends and never meant anything more. He put his arms around me and started to cry. He said, “You did nothing wrong. I am very attracted to you and that is the problem.” While he didn’t admit he was married, it was obvious he is. He stepped back and looked at me and stroked my hair. I started to cry and he wiped the tears from my eyes.  Then from his own. We both stood there not knowing what to say, but feeling strongly drawn to one another. 

I told him I have a strong belief in God and that I would never be involved with or even come on to a man who was married or living with someone.

He used the old cliché, in broken English, “it’s not you, it’s me. My life is difficult. But I am weak.” I said, “No you’re not weak, you’re strong to avoid a situation that is morally not right to you.” He said, “No, if I was strong I would not be attracted to you.” I disagreed. I said, “Alberto, those feelings are not in our control. How you handle them are. You are doing what is right. I want to be your friend. I want you to be able to talk to me… no strings attached.” He smiled and brushed my cheek.

At this point he was sweating profusely because it was very hot outside and he works very hard and was taking a break (until I walked up!) So we moved into the shade and hugged again. He said, “for now we are friends, but someday I hope to be more than friends with you.” 

I said, “We shall see, Alberto when and if that day comes. I like you. I respect you and your situation and won't do anything to hurt you or anyone else.” 

We hugged.

As I turned and walked away … he grabbed my arm.  But I kept walking and didn’t look back. His hand slid down my arm and I paused briefly as our fingers touched. Then I broke away and started walking back toward my apartment. I could feel his eyes watching me and hear him softly say, “Janice…” Not really wanting me to hear. Not really wanting me to turn around. But maybe wanting me to know that he is torn.  

Today I achieved something that I wanted to do. Explain my feelings for him and let him know I meant nothing more than to be his friend.

That was not entirely true. But now that I know the circumstances ~ it is.

I hope someday to wrap my arms around Alberto again. If not to love him, at least to comfort a man who appears very troubled.

Alberto. You are a good man!

Why Writing is Important to My Business Success

I’ve been a writer my entire career. But I’ve written for basically one audience: television news viewers. Over the years, I found that what I was doing was telling people what just happened. Not how to fix it. Not how to avoid the same kind of problems their neighbor or someone across town just encountered. I merely told them it happened. Sure, I’d try to offer some quick fix on where they could look for answers, but the crux of my writing was spreading word about the misfortune of others.

For that reason, I began to sour on writing news. I wanted to use my skill with a pen (or more appropriately a laptop) for another purpose. To help people find answers or solutions to the many problems we all face.  To give people hope, not fill them with despair by writing about all the potentially criminal or dangerous things going on around them.

But I didn’t know where to start.  I decided to try cutting my chops as a Copywriter. I know I can write solid content, but I didn’t know where to start to acquire clients. So I began working as an intern under an established Copywriter. It was grueling work for no pay. I must say the most important thing that I learned is that I have a LOT to learn about becoming a Copywriter.  One thing was painfully clear: you need to produce valuable content without coming across like you’re preaching, promoting or selling ~ when you probably really are.

As an intern I did get experience writing to various different audiences. I’d write about things I knew nothing about. Sometimes I spent hours researching a blog subject like “storing refurbished electronic components” when I didn’t even know what a “refurbished electronic component” was.  After gathering all the knowledge I could on a subject I really cared nothing about, I was then tasked with writing passionately about it in a way that would strike a chord with anyone searching for new and informative copy on how to store “refurbished electronic components”. That was a challenge. One that I realized taxed my writing ability. Not only did I have to write intelligently about a subject I knew nothing about, I had to think like the person in the audience I was writing to and speak on “their level” so I didn’t come across as an idiot. 

It was a task that dramatically reshaped my writing and mental skills. It’s almost like taking on a new persona. Putting yourself in someone’s mindset so you know what he or she is looking for before they do. Know the audience’s potential questions so you can provide the answers. Then the copy also has to look pleasing to the eye. If you’re writing about the “5 Most Important Tips to Winterize your Car” you need to come up with those five tips and make them easily accessible with bullet points, graphics or some kind of illustration that makes them visibly stand out.  Then after you’ve produced this verbal masterpiece, you need to come up with a provocative headline that grabs their attention and gets them to click on the link that leads them to your article.

Once they do that your copy has to shine! If your words don’t grab them in that first sentence or paragraph, they’re moving on. There are simply too many options vying for their attention. Just like in the lead paragraph of a television news script – you’ve got about 10 seconds (or 10-20 words in Copywriting) to reach them.

Yes, being a solid writer is more than vital to my business. It is the lifeblood. I have to find the proper words and sentence structure that turns ordinary words and sentences into extraordinary copy. Copy that grabs the reader from the beginning, hangs onto to them and ultimately gets them to help you achieve you or your client’s goal: either promoting information, services or products.

Ordinary writing just won’t do.

Shedding My Shell

June 2014

After five long months of preparation and downsizing, my home of 18 years is now on the market. That means eventually I will be packing up my stuff and moving. Shedding my "shell" of nearly two decades. That's a tough transition for anyone. But doing it on my own has been a formidable task.

What's even more challenging is I don't know where I'm going to land. My plan all along - and the reward at the end of this journey - has always been to move to San Diego to be near my daughter who's lived there for more than 7 years. But nothing is certain in this world and I have to prepare for the "what ifs".

Getting Here

It's been a very grueling path to get here. In fact these past five months have been rather tormenting. But on the upside, it's also been very rewarding. I've found out so much about myself. I guess that happens when you spend a lot of time alone and find you're the only one you have to get the job done. I've faced my fears and tackled tasks I thought I could never do on my own.  But after five months of 15 hour days full of physically and emotionally-draining work, I am here. 

Ironically the scariest part of putting my house on the market was thinking the moment that "for sale" sign went up outside someone would make an offer on my home and within four short weeks, I'd be out...

But it hasn't happened that way. All those days of fearing I'd be pushed out overnight night were for naught. My home's been on the market for a little over two weeks ~ and no offers. No bites. I guess my home came in "second" for one potential buyer. But her offer went to another home. So now I face a different fear: What if I don't sell my house? Before I go down that rabbit hole, I'm planning another course of action.

The Dilemma

While I've watched former co-workers move and land jobs, I've been here getting my home ready to sell and searching for a job in my spare time. Now that part is done and my job search has

launched onto high gear. Since I don't know when my home will sell I'm left with having to search for jobs in two cities, nearly a thousand miles apart. What if I get a job in San Diego and my home doesn't sell. What if I get a job here and my home does sell. Those are the kind of tormenting thoughts that keep me awake in the middle of the night. In reality, it's not that tough. And it will be figured out when and *if* that situation arises.

Hurry Up and Wait

So for now, I wait. Keeping my home spotless and ready at a moment's notice to vacate my home for an hour at a time ~ on an hour's notice. Crate up my cats, or take them with me, as potential buyers plod through my home scrutinizing every inch of it. 

And then there are all of the people who drive by. Stop for a moment and drive off. Others get out and check out the flyer, look around and then drive off. Some just slow down and scrutinize my property with barely a second glance. All of them leaving me wondering - are they the one?

So yes. For now, I wait and continue to wonder what future lies ahead for me and where this journey will lead me.

Despite all the uncertainty I am confident all my work and sacrifice over the past few months will lead to a better life, a happier more peaceful existence than the one I've lead over the past few years. 

Reinventing Myself

So this is where it all begins. That new chapter in life.
That IS what they call it.
What if I wasn’t finished with the last chapter.
Maybe I simply don’t like the book.
I guess none of that matters.
After 30 years working as a television news producer and writer -- my position was cut and I am looking for work.

It wasn’t my choice.
I was “part of a staff reduction” at the ABC affiliate in Portland, Oregon. While I hadn’t been happy with my job for years ~ it’s never easy to be “shown the door.”

Career changes are tough enough. When they’re not your choice they leave you feeling inadequate and vulnerable. Add into that equation the fact you’re not 30 anymore. Heck you’re not even 40 or 50 anymore. As the woman who handed me my walking papers once said to me, “I’m no Spring Chicken either.” True, but she wasn't the one booted out the door.

For more than 20 years I’ve written the stories those high-paid anchors have read on the air. They get the glory and the money. I get the blame when the words weren’t put on paper in the right order. I am a writer. When I wasn’t writing about car crashes, child rapists, mall and school shootings, serial killers, a dying economy and a Congress who won’t fix it - I’d sit for hours at my computer and write. Sometimes just to jot down random thoughts. Other times to sort out the thoughts rambling around in my brain. I’d just get in a writing zone and off I’d go.

Now I’m depending on a different style of writing to carry the torch for me again.
I want to become a copywriter.

I want to create content for landing pages, squeeze pages, entire sites ... even blogs. When it comes to websites and traffic generation, content is King. As a mentor quickly informed me: “If you don't have well-written, properly formatted content that adheres to marketing, SEO and online readership preferences, you'll deliver content that may sound pretty and look grammatically accurate but which won’t deliver results.”

That’s when she referred me to James Chartrand and her world-class copywriting website, “Men with Pens.”  I read everything I could on that website.  Devoured it.

Then I signed up to get her newsletters in my inbox. I consumed them like chocolate morsels feeding the copywriting soul starving for information. I couldn’t get enough.

That’s when I started emailing James for clues how to feed my appetite to launch this new ~ and what seemed like ~ a very viable and exciting career for me.  She responded very quickly. Not once. Not twice.  But several times. We wrote back and forth. Each time her answers assured me *she* is quickly becoming my new mentor.  This is where I need to be.

She told me about her upcoming “Damn Fine Words” course. I was immediately curious about it and wondered if it would give me what I need to launch my career as a copywriter.  She emailed me a synopsis of the course. I eagerly perused every page. One look at the subjects and exercises and I was convinced it may be the inclusive course that will give me the better writer skills and effective content creation techniques I need to launch my copywriting website, blog and business.

After my recent layoff, I think this course will boost my confidence and get that pen flowing on the paper again.

I am so excited for the “Damn Fine Words” course to start.
So I may begin that new chapter in my life called, "Reinventing myself".